Last call- Honoring All of Who I am.....

Here are two external boxes that people tried to create for me~

1. Based on the way I DRESSED and how I wore my HAIR-determined whether I was a REAL BLACK girl or not.

* I am a lover of natural hairstyles, weaves, wigs, permed hair styles, braids and different hair colors. When I didnt have my locks-One month I could be wearing a curly, glamorous looking weave and the next a short, straight, sophisticated weave and the next-a royal braid design. (You get the picture?) I could get away with rocking African inspired attire, the latest style, sophisticated dress, business dress, girl's night out dress-anything that looked good on me. I rarely have the desire to look the same for too long. Consequently, people in my cultural circles openly judged and rejected me because of my shifts in hair and wear. I guess somehow, I'd totally morphed into another being and was not the loving and firery person they had grown to love. Some said I had to be represent my culture on the inside and out.

And others felt that because I'm a mother, I lose my sexy rights. When I allowed relinquished my power and allowed myself to get caught up in people pleasing and buying into someone else's story, I stifled and lost a part of myself. I lost respect for myself, I lost my joy and I literally lost my natural glow. And while I understood that there is an element of social acceptance, commercialism, cultural disconnection, etc... involved- I also knew strongly that my hair and dress are two of my greatest creative outlets. It was an innate love of transformation; the ability to express my mood, personality and point of growth at any given time was freedom AND beautiful......


2. I had to practice THIS spiritual path or THAT spiritual path-Being part of more than one was not acceptable. I went through a few years of practicing different spiritual practices and traditions to feel out what was uplifting, aligning, healing and a fit for me. During that time I became involved with groups that strongly believed that THIS is the way. While being in that space at that time was awesome for me, I also instinctively knew when it was time to go. I sought spiritual guidance and support, not dictatorship.
* I love GOD, I love Spirit-Period.


One key to The Art of Being a Diva Mom is uncovering the feelings of being helpless, restricted, in-authentic, and feeling shamed. These feelings keep you trapped, in pain and living through someone else's world. My mission is to support mothers explore and discover who they are, and what their purpose and passion is-how to be self-expressed.

Please remember that acknowledging, honoring, respecting, healing, loving and having compassion for the many aspects of yourself is a key to your emotional, mental, physical and spiritual health and freedom. I've also learned that this flows into and transforms your relationship with yourself as a mother and it naturally changes your children's perspective of and feelings for you.



So, the next time you feel a sense of shame, guilt or doubt about yourself, turn within and ask, "what part of my self needs acknowlegment, love and honoring in this moment"?

Honoring All of Who I Am? cont...

Back to my self imposed boxes:


I'll share two internal boxes I kept myself in~

1. I severely lacked a sense of self-worthiness. I didn't feel like I deserved anything worth having. I considered myself to be a bad person. I was bad because I stole money from my grandma when I was a little girl, I had sex at an early age (unconsentual and consentual), I skipped school, failed classes, I had my daughter right after high school, and on the list goes.... There were so many parts of myself that I did not and sometimes could not look at. I sabotaged myself on every corner. But, like the steam in a tea kettle-the parts of me that I resist will continue to press up against the kettle top until it blows... And Iboy did I blow. My relationship with my partner blew up, I doubted myself as a mother, I became paranoid about leaving my child with people, my relationships at my job fell apart, it was a mess. Everything and everyone rejected me the way I rejected myself. Internally and externally I felt de-valued and unappreciated.... And while there are times I still feel this way, I have a lot more tools to support me in building myself up and aligning myself with the truth. With a great deal of prayer and help :) I learned to be present with what I am thinking and feeling about myself, forgive the judgment, reframe the event and perception of myself and others. Among other things, it takes a lot breathing, letting in light and love and a willingness to shift. To a greater degree than in the past, I am able to look at the parts of myself that I couldn't face before and have compassion for me......

2. I did not consider myself to be smart. If you left it to me to tell the story, was dumb because I compared myself to very intellectually bright people and I took evidence from the past duh-moments and ran with it...(you know like getting D's in h.s. algebra meant I was dumb-even though I received A's in undergrad Statistics??) I allowed this misperception of myself to run my life. I told myself I wasn't smart enough to finish college, I wasn't smart enough to own a business, I wasn't smart enough to associate with intellectuals, and the list goes on. As I reflect I see how I hurt myself in so many ways - emotionally, physically and spiritually. I am grateful though that I'd learned enough and was supported enough to acknowledge that I am smart and intelligent. My intelligence may look different than another's but I am brilliant none the less :)

So today I am willing to continue to acknowledge, honor and nurture my innate brilliance!

Am I Honoring All of Who I Am? cont....

As a young woman, learning to honoring the many aspects of myself became critical for me because I was still building my confidence and learning who I was as a woman, and an adult. I was also getting in touch with my soul, my personality, my likes, my strengths and weaknesses.

As a young mother, I uncovered that this was an even more important lesson for me because I needed to teach my children how to love and accept themselves.

During my exploration, I found myself being judged, rejected, approved and categorized by what other people, institutions and cultures believed was correct. Now the average person would say, "well, what other people think or say should not matter-be who you are", or some other cliche-ish saying. But, I had not grown to that point yet....

I also have to acknowledge that my safety net didn't help my situation any. I held onto plenty of guilt and shame, self-imposed cages and boxes; a need to live within other people's comfort zones and conform to other's ideals and standards in order to gain their acceptance, I found myself people pleasing...

Am I Honoring all of Who I Am?

Now this question will ring differently for everyone because we view our selves, our relevance and what's important about us through various lenses and filters. So, I can attempt to share my understanding and struggles as a woman and mother holding on to her essence and being.

This question has been a center of focus and contemplation for me for about 10 years now. Since the birth of my eldest son.

Around that time of my life I found myself being pushed to be one EXPRESSION of myself OR another.

Now, I know that we have the capacity to be almost anything and anyone. I also get that every thought, feeling or notion that flows through the Universe and takes temporary residence in our psyche is not for us to pursue.

However, I believe that there are aspects of us that call for our attention to be expressed, evolved, enjoyed, healed and loved. In our quiet space, we intuitively know our soul and we have an innate craving to honor it-no matter what it looks like. I've learned that this is a key to our freedom and happiness.

Your thoughts? Your experiences?